Sabbath without gravity

I've been riveted by the thousands of beautiful images being transmitted to Earth from the Cassini space craft orbiting Saturn, each resembling a masterful abstract painting.

Many of you know that Cassini launched a smaller minicraft (known as Huygens) at Titan, Saturn's largest moon. Titan is a complex world in its own right, similar in many ways to primordial earth as it existed (with apologies to devout readers) billions of years ago. Huygens snapped many photos as it parachuted down to Titan's surface.

You'd see something like this if you were gazing out an airplane window over the lake regions of Minnesota, southern Finland or northern Quebec. In fact the lakes in this picture are filled with liquid methane and dot Titan's northern latitudes.

Titan is just one of several moons orbiting Saturn and Jupiter which may be home to primitive alien life forms. And we haven't mentioned Mars. Astronauts will visit these places one day.

There are many Jewish laws which will face challenges if and when religious Jews ever leave the orbit of planet earth.

But I'd like to focus on the question of Shabbat. How does a devout Jew observe Shabbat, or daven in space? Let's assume a devout Jew in the year 2037 moves permanently to a base on the moon, which doesn't spin. How would one daven three times a day in an environment where day and night don't alternate? And what if our little frum astronaut friend gets transferred to a space station orbiting Saturn, which revolves around the sun once in almost 30 years. What would that do to our (24 x 7 x 365 earth schdule) weekly parsha reading?

On this day in the life of the Jewish people in 1784: the poll tax was abolished in France by Louis XVI. Until then, Jews living in the eastern provinces of Alsace and Lorraine (just an FYI -these regions are a mix of German and French cultures) were required to pay a special road toll upon entry or departure from all cities. Known as Impot de Pied Forchu (poll of the cloven foot) this tax was identical to one imposed on every animal going to market. It's worth noting that despite the delay to full emancipation for the Jews of England, degradation was always much worse in most countries on the Continent, as late the French Revolution.

Colors scrubbed into black & white, and grim events in Basel 658 years ago

Black and white aren't merely the preferred wardrobe colors of the Jewish hyper-devout. They're also a reflection of the way view the Torah's personalities.

What makes the Bible wonderful? It's that its characters are lovingly painted in various colors, warts and all, glorious in their many flaws, people we can identify with and not some perfect gods. And thoroughly human.

Look at some of our heroes: Abraham essentially gives his wife (twice) to a king to protect his own skin, then, like a zombie attempts to sacrifice his son, Isaac who in turn grows up to be passive and semi senile. Isaac is cheated by his mama's boy, second born son Jacob, who with his mommy's help underhandedly gains the rights of the first born from his slightly dimwitted brother Esav.

Jacob blatantly and stupidly favors his son Joseph, who brags to his brothers about being 'da man'; his brothers will one day be the founders of our twelve (or eleven, or thirteen, depends where you read) tribes; yet they sell their brother to a bunch of proto-arabs (Yishmaelites or Midyanites, the scripture can't decide here either) and tell their father that a mean animal ate him up. Meanwhile, our saintly four mothers exhibit jealousy, competitiveness and are not shy about pulling shtiks. Great stuff.

Jump foward to King David who we revere so, head of a legendary line of kings, forefather of the Messiah to come....Yet this same David undermines King Saul, was a mercenary for the despised Philistines, had rivals routinely assasinated, voyeuristically watched Bathsheba showering below his window and seized her from her husband Uriah who he sent to a sure death at the front on the Golan Heights...I can go on and on.

And there are the raunchy stories which you and I relish. Take Tamar. Make that the two Tamars. One poses as a hooker to lure her father in law Yehuda (Judah) in Genesis (as a result of the sexual problems of Onan his son and her husband).
Then another Tamar, this time David's daughter, has incestuous sex wth her brother Amnon. My perush (commentary) on it is that Tamar was a word in lushon hakodesh (holy tongue) for 'hottie' or 'vixen'. In fact an echo of this definition has trickled into Englsih. How? the definition of Tamar is 'date', as in the fruit of the palm. But this word's homograph (same spelling different meaning) is another sort of date, the one that guys take out. So we can say that Tamar was, shall we say, a hot 'date', involved in two of the naughtiest stories in the Tanakh...

As I was saying, these are all colorful, ambiguous personalities, drawn in pastels, anything but black and white. Thoroughly imperfect.
And human.

So what did the Rabbis do? They took these carefully crafted characters and turned them all into good guys and bad guys. The three fathers and four mothers? Perfect and godlike. Everything they ever did was perfect in every way. And not only that: they were all great scholars and prophets, knowing Torah, halachot, Rashi, Tosfot and each and every other commentator to ever come. And what of the abandoned Yishamel (Isaac's brother) and cheated Esav (Jacob's older twin)? Reshaim. Evildoers.

I once had a brief exchange at table 12 ar some relative's vedding in Ir Hakoidesh (Borough Park) with my cousin Heshy about Yaakov and Esav. As we awaited the khatan and kallah (groom and bride)to emerge from seclusion, I said something about Esav getting screwed by Yaakov. Heshy rose up, almost tipping over his soup, knaidalakh (dumplings) and all, thundering, pointing wildly:

"But Esav was a rasha (evil)!".
"That's not how he's portrayed in the scripture." I said. "And if he was a rasha, how come Isaac loved him so much?"
"All the mefarshim and midrashim, everyone knows he's a rasha! What do you know?"

And so it is with all the characters. Heshy's response is typical of fundamentalist Jewish thinking. Over the ages the rabbis scrubbed the colorful multi dimensional tapestries scrubbed into flat blacks and whites. I guess we shouldn't make things complicated for our kolel boys and ulpana girls.
Brought to you by the same guys that insist that Shir Hashirim (Song of Songs) isn't an erotic love song.

On this day in 1349, a massacre took place in Basel in what is today Switzerland. This was one of the most tragic in a series of anti Jewish spasms of sadism that occurred during the Black Death, which decimated a third of all Europeans. Jews were accused of having spread the pestilence by poisoning wells, though people knew that this wasn't so; Jews died with everyone else.
A massive wave of massacres had swept the region of Savoy. When it spread to Basel, city elders attempted to protect the Jews, in vain. The mob gathered all of the town's Jews, and forced them all into a shack on an island in the middle of the Rhine River. The shack was set alight and burned down with the Jews inside.
Against their parents wishes, a few of their children were saved and baptized.
A decree was later issued banning Jews from Basel for 200 years; the decree was overlooked as soon as the town's requirements demanded it.



*lithograph by Marc Chagall 'Tamar, the daughter in law of Juda'

The Bible is fun! But, alas, no one cares. Also, evil in 1575 Seville

Where are you? I've now been blogging religiously for a couple of weeks, and I'm still eagerly and impatiently looking for an uptick in the number of visitors. Where are you people? I need fans.

I was hoping to find some comment on last week's parsha, but '0 comments' it remains, day after day. The sort of anomalies discussed (see the entry for this past Friday) are what make the Torah (and the rest of the Hebrew Bible) the incredibly fascinating 25 century old puzzle it is.

As many of you know, we can find examples of contradiction, doublets (two versions of the same story), triplets, and transmission mistakes in practically every portion of the Torah. None of the questions I raise are new, and many of these issues have been remarked upon by commentators through the ages (but secularly only over the past 2 centuries). Yet relatively few people know or are interested in the subject. Why has the remarkable topic of secular biblical research remained obscure? Why do people know so little of the work of biblical critics since the enlightenment?

Devout believers for the most part, and with a few exceptions, are certainly uninterested. These issues scare them. So how might many of them they explain these biblical mistakes and contradictions? Simple: 'There is no contradiction or mistake, and it's arrogant and rude to even consider that mistakes may exist in God's handiwork. It's that you don't understand. If you want understand, go ask a brilliant rabbi who'll have all the (appropriate) answers. But whatever you do, do not dare draw any conclusions yourself! The Rabbi will provide them for you.'

And 95% of everyone else, including supposedly educated Ivy Leaguers? They'd say something like: 'Bible? God? history? Judaism? Criticism? What's that? And oh yeah, who cares? Whatever.'

I don't think I exaggerate here.

Its also interesting how many highly educated secular people who do have an interest in Judaism don't ever think of investigating the bible with a critical eye, which is the most interesting way of exploring it. It doesn't occur to them to ask: Why was it written this way? Why was this particular story inserted here? Why would later writers and editors allow contradictions and mistakes to remain? I'm getting ahead of myself: they wouldn't think of the existence of writers or editors, and they simply aren't aware of the incredible research done and insight gained in the area of critical Biblical scholarship by many intellectual giants over the past 200 years to this very day.

I suppose, and its been remarked on elsewhere, many secular people who one would expect to exhibit secular curiosity are really attempting to escape the rational, and are searching for some form spirituality. They just assume without question that there's some vague 'divinity' attached to the Bible in some undefined way, whatever that may mean, and they don't know how to think about what that may (or may not) mean.

On this day in the life of the Jews: In 1575, the so-called Auto de Fe, or Act of Faith, took place in Seville. This was the solemn proclamation and execution of Inquisition sentences against heretics, many of whom were marrano (hidden Jews). Considering spilled blood much too messy, Spaniards and Portuguese preferred execution by fire, which took place at the Quamadero ('place of burning). Please note that not everyone was burned alive, since formal confession and repentance (An Iberian Christian form of tshuva) secured strangulation before burning. It appears that gathering at the fiery spectacle at the Quamadero was a fashionable pastime. YS"V.

Next, a reflection on the substituting of stark black and white for pastels in the Bible.

The mystery of the changing tribe names

I'm introducing some new features on NYAPIKORES. First, each blog entry will contain a brief synopsis of key events that occurred on that day in the life of the Jewish People, with an emphasis on the forgotten past -- essentially pre-World War II. So here we go: on this day in 1895, Captain Alfred Dreyfus, accused of treachery, was publicly degraded in Paris, in the face of his cries of innocence. He was deported to Devils Island soon after. Theodore Herzl would soon be aroused to kick start the Zionist movement.

Apart from 'this day in the Jewish life', I'm introducing a weekly feature to appear on Fridays. This will be a brief comment on the weekly portion in the ancient NYAPIKORES tradition...

This week's parsha (portion) is Vayekhi ('And he lived'), the last section in Breishit (Genesis), the centerpiece of which are Jacob's blessings to his sons on his deathbed. While devout Jews view the blessings as prophecy, they are actually a reflection of many tribal realities as they existed during the Judges and monarchy periods (which began hundreds of years after the purported events reported in this weeks portion were to have occurred). These later events were then projected back into the semi-mythical Israelite past, to be retold and discussed as allegories. Judah and Efraim (one of Joseph's sons -- traditionally Joseph ended up with two tribes named after his two sons: Efraim and Menashe) received the best blessings of all from Jacob, and lo and behold, they were to become the two leading, and eventually rival, tribes.

There are many interesting insights to glean from the blessings, but we'll touch on only a few. For example Yisakhar, comes from two words, Yesh Sakhar, or 'have salary' - seems the Yissakharites were paid laborers of the Canaanites. Benjamin is called a killer wolf, which may be an allusion to the horrible story of Pilegesh BaGiv'a (the concubine of Giv'a), itself a close facsimile of the story of Sodom. I'll discuss that another time.

Anyway, I'd like to dwell (I'm supposed to keep this short, right?) on the list of brothers (tribes) which is the traditional lineup most familiar. Reuven Shimon Levi Yehuda etc. I'll assume that you're familiar with the list, and if not you can look it up in the portion. Now, one would assume that the tribal roster wold remain consistent through the Tanach. But this isn't so. In Dvarim (Deuteronomy) 33, Shimon is absent from Moshe's series of blessings to the tribes. Why?

Meanwhile, Shoftim (Judges) 1, features a very different list, in which Joseph is an independent tribe apart from his sons Efraim and Menashe. Reuven, Gad, Levi and Yisakhar are absent. Odd.

Finally in Shoftim 5, which contains the very ancient Song of Devora, we find yet another roster.
Here, not 12 but 11 tribes are mentioned. Three are not sons of Jacob: Machir, Gil'ad, and Meroz. Five on the traditional list are absent: Shimon, Levi, Yehuda, Menashe and Gad. Hmmm...
Its been observed by many scholars for a variety of reasons that its likely that the traditional list is most recent, while the roster in Devora's Song is most ancient.

Its not surprising that in general yeshiva students aren't urged by their rabbis to study the prophets and writings. Exposure to these neglected parts of the Bible would raise too many questions in their minds, bring attention to inconsistencies and even raise doubts in their innocent minds as to the divine authorship of the Torah. Who needs such trouble?
Shabbat Shalom.

God on the blog

A perusal of my blogger profile would indicate that I'm interested in all sorts of stuff. If you're too lazy to check, they range from astronomy and history to Biblical criticism, to Israel to energy policy. I'm still grappling with whether I should keep the subject of this blog narrowly focused, which some might find less confusing, or broadbased, which would be a better reflection of me.

In my initial wanderings in this strange landscape I've been drawn instinctively to the fascinating blogs of anonymous (generally nonbelieving) hasidim who cathartically use bloggery to express themselves profoundly and hilariously, providing a window both into their daily lives and turbulent souls and minds. The existence of god is a recurring theme, theological arguments with rabbis are reported, and wonderful discussions carried on through the days and weeks. Many of these great blogs have been posted along the right. There's also a fun argument for and against god's existence between Sam Harris and Dennis Prager on Jewlicious.com.

Today, I managed to shock the guy I drive up with (a Flatbush frummie), when I referred to Tanaim and Amoraim (the rabbis mentioned in the Talmud) as reform rabbis. Let's face it, I told him, the laws they designed have little to nothing in common with the laws of the Torah.

Tali-Ban upon you Yids

Rookie bloggers often screw up, and so I somehow erased a monumental, brilliant entry and must begin again. This version will pale in comparison to its predecessor, as bayit sheni was no match for Solomon's. Anyway, I raise two items, related in two ways. The first was published on the summer solstice, the second almost exactly on the shortest day of the year. Well, almost. In any case, they're reflections of the same reality, the process of Haredizing Orthodox and Talibanized Haredi. On the year's longest day it was reported that HaModia, the Gerer Hasidim news organ, had banned the unblurred appearance of the female poonim (face) upon the sacred pages of its book catalog. Then at this time of the year's longest night, we discover that restrictions have been placed upon devout women attaining advanced degrees. I could go on, but I must return home to administer baths and supervise homework. Meanwhile in Qatar, female college college enrollment exceeds that of males. Its true...Ah shandeh, no?

Parting the Red Sea Over Kiddush

As a spanking new blogger I understand that with contemporary attention spans being what they are, it's best to keep entries short and succinct, so that you keep visiting.
So here it goes.
Anyway, I can be found most Sabbaths (not shabbes or Shabbat so as not to confuse goyishe visitors) after services sitting in the synagogue with my buddies (even a couple o' classy ladies too, sometimes) in the basement sipping scotch at kiddush (scroll down to my introductory entry to read more about this). This past weekend I found myself sitting next to a modern looking guy, thirty five-ish.
"So tell me," he says leaning back, "If you were able to go back in time, where would you go?"
I guess he wasn't interested in my own time travel preferences since he promptly answered his own question. "If you ask me, I'd go back to the splitting of Yam Soof (the Red Sea). Man, that must have been some sight."
I couldn't resist. "Yeah, some sight. If it really happened."
This stunned him. "What's that supposed to mean?" he shot back with a frown.
"I just don't think it happened."
"How can you say that? Why would you think that?"
I tried to be diplomatic, attempting to mask my (unfortunate) condescension. "I don't believe in miracles."
Modern thirty five-ish guy scanned his memory banks for proof of a miracle, coming back at me with what he was certain was an 'ahah' to end all 'ahahs'. "So you wanna tell me that thirty nine SCUDS landing in Israel and not hurting anyone wasn't a miracle?"
I was unmoved. "God has had plenty of great opportunities for timely miracles," I said as laconically as possible. "The one thousand good Jews massacred by suicide vermin could have used a miracle, don't you think? And six million others also would have found some use for a miracle or two, no?" I lost him right then, as he conveniently turned away to offer a 'good shabbes' to someone else.

Now I'd never want to upset anyone... But why is it that otherwise thinking, people of the modern age (I love retro terminology) accept without question that events described in the Torah happened exactly as reported? In fact, few stop to think about this. And the devout either accept things as written or keep their doubts to themselves.
I hope I haven't lost you yet. Stay tuned.